fuck your aforementioned shoe
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
