i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is Oprah even human
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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