I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drunk is not a location!
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