I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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