How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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