She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
