What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
