apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
