I skipped work to stalk him.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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