I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
