I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
