You made me cry and you don't even care
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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