I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Non-Jews are for practice
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
