Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
