Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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