he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it because I queefed?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
