told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
