using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just gift wrapped bread.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
