apparently the secret to your success is patron
im six kinds of drunk right now
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
