My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
