Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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