Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
