that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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