did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
