i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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