he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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