Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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