His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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