Pants 0. Shit 1.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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