I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
