I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
