a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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