No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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