You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
