I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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