I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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