i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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