My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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