I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
