just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
