I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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