omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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