the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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