If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
