dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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