So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
