i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
