The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
