Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
