His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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