I just saw a hot homeless man
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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