she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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