just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
